If you're happy, you're successful. ----- "It is not in the pursuit of happiness that we find fulfillment, it is in the happiness of pursuit." ---------- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit, call it the target. -----similarly... If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. -----and... It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa. ----- If we do not change our direction we are likely to end up where we are headed. ========== Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. [28 FEB 95... Synchronicity Footnote... Stephanie just told me this one yesterday, and today it appeared on my screen!] ========== A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. ----- "When in doubt, tell the truth." -- Mark Twain ----- Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. -- Mark Twain ================================== Lackland's Laws: 1. Never be first. 2. Never be last. 3. Never volunteer for anything ================================== Mr. Cole's Axiom The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing. ----- Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings. ----- I bet the human brain is a kludge. -- Marvin Minsky ----- If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking. -- Lyndon Baines Johnson ================================== Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them. -- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22" ----- Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with. ----- Thanks to Harry Allacher at TRW: "We trained hard - but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we were reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing, and what a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while actually producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization." - Petronius Arbiter 210 B.C. ---------------- If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. -- Derek Bok, president of Harvard ---------------- Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. -- F. P. Jones ---------------- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. -- Olivier ---------------- Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones. ---------------- We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again, and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore. -- Mark Twain --------- It is not true that life is one damn thing after another -- it's one damn thing over and over. -- Edna St. Vincent Millay --------- The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here. -- Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley) ---------------- People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future. ---------------- Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. -- Mark Twain ---------------- All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. -- Sean O'Casey ---------------- Ogden's Law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up. ---------------- Meskimen's Law: There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over. ---------------- Brook's Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later ---------------- Zero Defects, n.: The result of shutting down a production line. ---------------- Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job. ---------------- You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry. ---------------- You can't start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic enough worrying about what's happening now. -- Lauren Bacall ---------------- Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they will find an easier way to do it. ---------------- Baruch's Observation: If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. ---------------- Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps. ---------------- Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. ---------------- New systems generate new problems. ---------------- There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it. ---------------- It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one. -- Phil White ---------------- "I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating" -- Boss Tweed ---------------- It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. --------- Innovation is hard to schedule. -- Dan Fylstra ---------------- Putt's Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand. --------- Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards. -- Aldous Huxley ------------------ Conway's Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired. ------------------ Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A. ------------------ The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. -- Mark Twain -------- Where humor is concerned, there are no standards. No one can say what's good or bad. Though you can be assured that everyone will. -------- If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly. -- John Kenneth Galbraith -------- It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem. ----- For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. -- H. L. Mencken ----- Meeting, n.: An assembly of people coming together to decide what person or department not represented in the room must solve a problem. ----- Stult's Report: Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is fight the solutions. ------- H. L. Mencken's Law: Those who can -- do. Those who can't -- teach. Martin's Extension: Those who cannot teach -- administrate. ------------------- The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn. -- Alvin Toffler ------------------- Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. --------- A penny saved is ridiculous. ------------------- You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained. ------------------- A new koan: If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you. If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you. It is an ice cream koan. ----------------- Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi): Mr Gandhi, what do you think of Western Civilization? Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea. ---------- "He is now rising from affluence to poverty." -- Mark Twain ---------- The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled. -- Plutarch --------- Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. --------- The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be. -- Lao Tsu --------- Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it. -- Andrew Young --------- You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular. --------- The Abrams' Principle: The shortest distance between two points is off the wall. --------- "When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut." --------- "Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing." |||